Stop the talking baby Or I start walking baby...

So, let me get this straight... I am busy at work, you are blowing up my phone with a bunch of nonsense. I tell you I am busy, you complain that I don't want to hang out with you. I am trying to drive home and you again, are blowing up my phone asking what I am doing this weekend. When I get home, I remind you that I have an important job, and I have been extremely busy today. I also apologize to you for not getting back to you sooner and you tell me I am insulting your intelligence. Ok, now for a little back story. I met this dude ONCE at a bar. He seemed nice, but, wasn't really what I was looking for. However, I kept in touch. Well, one night I am home alone having dinner, watching movies and relaxing. This guy randomly texts me asking for a picture of my boobs! I tell him no, that I don't know him that well, and that's not something that I do. He flips out and starts calling me names, telling me that I am not serious about getting to know him. All because I wouldn't send him a picture of my boobs.

I thought I was quite clear when I told him I didn't want to see him again, weeks prior to this little incident. Well, the dude is like that annoying cat that came back the very next day. He just won't go away. Well, he tried a few more times to get me to go out a few weeks ago. Which I respectfully turned down. Then one night, I get this text. Telling me, that I am ugly, fat, gross, etc. I respond back with a brand new picture of my in my favorite little black dress, saying.. This is what I look like now. After all he hasn't seen me in I don't know seven months? The next day, he sends me a text telling me just how sorry he is, that he didn't mean what he said. That he was drunk, and upset. Well, asshole, you can go play in traffic on the New Jersey Turnpike during holiday travel!

Now, again, he's back! Back to suck the life out of me. Dude, I don't want to go out with you. It takes you longer to get ready than it takes me. You have so much grease in your hair, it's hazardous if it rains. Also, don't even get me started on your shitty tattoos. Seriously, if you are going to have full sleeves, invest in a GOOD tattoo artist. He also wears really expensive jeans, with suspenders that he doesn't even use. They just hang down. Who even does that?  Now, he's all butt hurt because I don't want to see him. He thinks my valid excuses are bull shit, but I really do wash my hair for four straight hours every day! A girl has to deep condition! But really, he's a lose cannon and I don't want to be there when the fuse is lit. Oh what's even better, he claims to have social anxiety, yet, still wants us to go to the bar together and is also a psychology major at the local university. He doesn't have a job and drives a beat up old truck. He told me he got into some trouble and had to move to South Carolina with his sister. He also, will not tell me what kind of trouble he got into. So ladies, if you meet a guy who fits that description.. RUN.  By the way this is the picture I sent when he called me fat and ugly. 😘

You will remember me...

I am at that time in my life when, I am ready to settle down and find that special person that I want to annoy for the rest of my life. I finally have a career that I love, even though I have to be up at 5am. I get to bring my hairy beast with me. I have amazing co workers who are like the brothers I never wanted. However, I'd like to have someone to enjoy my life with. Someone who is loving, caring, funny and adventurous. Who has a big heart and wants to show how much he loves me. Who will occasionally surprise me with my favorite flowers, or cheer me up after a bad day. Who allows me to be myself and have my own life outside of what we share. A man who will watch football, go camping, enjoy home cooked meals and make me feel like I am his world. However, sadly. Life isn't a fairytale. Breaking hearts comes to easy. For someone like me who has rules when it comes to dating, it's hard for me to get a second date. When it comes to meeting men, I'm not looking for hookups, booty calls or one night stands. I also, don't want all of your free time. Or to even see you everyday. I don't want to jump into something, like my last relationship which took me almost two years to get over. I know, that there is someone out there for me. 

I will never forget what that man said to me who found me outside after my breakup. "He's looking for you and won't stop until he finds you. He will put you on the pedestal that you deserve to be placed upon" Anyone who knows me knows I am not a religious person. However, I will always consider that man an angel. From the moment he stopped me and said "he's not worth the tears" I felt like everything was going to be alright. Every time I think of that day, I cannot help but to cry. It makes me realize when I am down, that the world isn't over and everything in the end will work out as it should. 

I have done a lot in 32 years, I've worked with lions, managed political campaigns, worked for Newsweek and even spent time with my idol. I have made an idiot of myself in front of players from the Houston Rockets. I have been to CPAC, DNC and have met with congress members on the hill, salsa danced with a presidential candidate during a presidential dinner. I am outspoken, blunt and occasional curse like a drunken sailor. I am a natural redhead, I have tattoos, I'm not afraid to work for what I have and what I need. I prefer the mountains over the beach. I'd like to watch the sunset with a glass of wine and watch the sunrise with a cup of coffee (black, two sugars) I believe every aspect of life has a silver lining and everything happens for a reason. I am not a religious person, and if you get to know me. I'll give you the reason why. I have been through a lot both good and bad. 

I am at that point where having someone to spend not just my nights, but my days as well with. I have never been the kinda girl to sleep or date around. It was never my style. I wear a lot of ball caps, ripped up jeans and yoga pants. I also love my little black dresses, pencil skirts and stilettos. I'd be more than content if I could wear flip flops 90% of my life. 

Issues with layout

I apologize I have tried multiple times to change the lay out. However, no matter how much I change it. When viewing from a mobile device. It still looks like crap. 

You've got a friend

You've got a friend

June 20, 2011

So why is it, once you enter a relationship, you no longer have your friends? Is it a rule, that once you have a boyfriend or girlfriend, your boyfriends and girlfriends are no longer of importance?  Girls get jealous of their boyfriends female friends, and vice versa! If you care about someone, shouldn't you take them as they are? When you meet that person, do you customize them? Make them change their hair color, change the way they dress? No! You love everything about them.
I learned a long time ago, when I was in a situation where; my friends were not good for me, and the way I dressed wasn't appropriate. However, his friends were good for me, and whatever he wanted to do was appropriate! I hate to break it to you boys out there! Just because you have a penis doesn't make you king!
For you ladies out there, who do the same thing... You are not the queen!
When it comes to relationships, you shouldn't change your whole life around, to make that person happy! If you are someone they want to be with, they should like everything about you! You should still be allowed to live your life, and "do you"
 There has been plenty of times, where I've had guy friends, who I would hang out with, watch movies, play scrabble, etc... THEY WERE JUST FRIENDS!!  Then they get girlfriends, and adios! I never see them, or talk to them anymore. They are gone, luckily because of Facebook, and having girlfriends who take pictures of EVERYTHING they do, I know they are still kickin!
The way I look at it, is... If your friends were there before the significant other, they are going to be there after! I learned my lesson before, I got rid of my friends, then... When I had to leave my ex, I had to beg for forgiveness from my friends! That was a lot of arse to kiss!
That is a subject every couple needs to talk about! Surprisingly people have just friends! Also the way it boils down, is if you are that insecure about something that ridiculous... It's not going to work! Another if you are constantly accusing them of  cheating or whatever it may be, we immediately think you have a guilty conscious  and that is your way of  coming clean.

Friends are forever, boyfriends and girlfriends are easily replaceable!

Who is the little guy?

Who is the little guy?

September 12, 2011

 Most guys treat sex like car problem, bigger wrench, pull/push harder, etc. When in essence all you have to do to bond and have mind blowing sex is form a real and true connection-- almost on any level. Once you do that, the gloves are off. Patience pays when it comes to women and real sex.. That's according to my friend Robert! Which is very true! That's one thing I have never truly understood.. Sex on the first date? What's the point?

First of all, you have to mental connection! Second of all, how much do you know about this person? What's their last name? Do they have any siblings? When is their birthday??  I'm told by many of my guy friends, that if you sleep with them on the first date, they will never have a serious relationship with you!

Then why do they try? C'mon their guys, they only really truly think with the head that's being held back by their flashy button up fly! I do wonder when they are on that first date... hmmm... when do they decide if they are going to try? Is it part of their stupid little game they play to get you to jump into bed (or the backseat depending on what kinda girl you are)? I've met plenty of guys, that when I've said it's not going to happen, they move on! Their loss not mine!

Still my favorite is still the guy who gets drunk intentionally, and then looks at you and says... "So where am I sleeping?"
Just for me to look right back over, and say... "Your house if you can make it, i'll even walk you to your car!"  Today in this world, just like Lil' Kim said... If a guy has three girls than he's the man, if a girl do they same then she's a whore! So who came up with that? some jerk with little man syndrome?

My whole reason isn't to bash men... They have good tendencies.. They mow grass, open jars, lift heavy things, and some are just pretty to look at! Ooooh nothing better than a tall man with muscles and tattoos, not wearing a shirt lifting something heavy, and wiping the sweat from his brow... ok, snap out of it, enough day dreaming! Or is it enough... lalalala

I am the girl your father warned you about!

I am the girl your father warned you about!

February 6, 2012

I've always been the one to go after anything I wanted! I'm not afraid to step on toes, and I make sure I dig my three inch stiletto deep into your big toe! I don't only march to the beat of my own drum, I dance to it! I never wanted to be the old lady, who sits in her favorite chair, while working on her needle point, and wondering what I did with my life. I get involved in everything I can. I've stared in short films, played extras in movies, been in commercials, ran over a guy with a truck, and got paid for it! I've protested against unconstitutional laws, I'm not afraid to speak my mind, I love getting my hands dirty.

I was speaking with someone today, when they asked me what would happen if I were to be attacked by someone. I smiled and said, they better hope I don't have my bat! Only for them to look back at me and say "you know they make pepper spray?" Only for me to laugh, and tell them i'm much faster with a bat, than pepper spray! I've done a lot of things in my life I'm not proud of. I've been in situations, where the only thing I could do was pray. I wasn't even sure if anyone was listening, yet, I prayed as hard as I could! I fought the battle against drugs, against stupidity, and made it to where I am today!

I never thought in a million years, or even a few years ago when I was still with my ex, yet, fearing for my life everyday. That I would be the person I am today! I learned a lot in those five years, I never take shit from anyone, I yell, I scream, and I get my point across! I do what I want, and enjoy getting what I want! I decided a few years ago, that Karma will play a major role in your life! You can either do what's right and benefit, or be a weasel, and become Hammurabi's bitch! I don't know about you, but, I like having both my eyes, as well as both my hands. I also remember Hilter's scene in Little Nicky. I don't want any pineapples shoved up my bum!

I feel that life is for living, make a difference, live hard, live long, life is too f'n short to do otherwise! Drink a mimosa for breakfast, eat candy for dinner! Get your way! Dance around your house in your underwear, get crazy, go sky diving, ride a horse! Do what makes you happy! Who cares what anyone else thinks! Hell, just the other day, I was feeling down, so, I asked the homeless man near my house, if he could have anything for dinner tonight what would it be. He looked at me, and said.. he could never collect enough money for what he really wanted. I told him, if he told me what he really wanted, whatever it was. I would make sure he would have it for dinner! Needless to say he had a feast!

There are plenty of things you can do everyday, to show faith in humanity!

Oh, she's a gold digger.. that digs on me...

Oh, she's a gold digger.. that digs on me...

(February 22, 2012)

So why do men LOVE  gold diggers, and attention whores?? What gets men off by having some selfish, self absorbed, and on most cases I've seen.. unattractive, little girl want them? Is it some weird psychological fatherly instinct? Is it they think they can't get a real woman? Why do those guys get defensive when you call them a player? The way I look at it, is some girls for some reason have horrible insecurities. It keeps them from being the person they wish they could aspire to be, and it turns them into lime light chasing wannabes! I guess it's too much for a successful man to want a successful woman, because then who would wear the pants in the relationship? God forbid a powerful woman, who is normal finding a powerful man.

Then again, I can't say it surprises me! I go around uptown Charlotte, I look at the men, who are taking home a different girl every night, buying every girl they see a drink, and they look proud. Just like daddy lion when he brings home a zebra caucus for his cubs, and lioness. It makes men feel proud to be the ones who get the most, the won who wins the race, they have with their inner ego! Oh, have you seen the chicks, when they see a shiny new car, or a group of guys sitting in a VIP section, ordering bottles of belvedere. Those guys know your game! Surprisingly they have whore-dar! They can spot you! Don't worry they are just as stupid as you, so it won't be any battle of wits, so go ahead gold diggers, take a sigh of relief! You wont actually have to think!

It's people like this who ruin society! I really hate when you give someone a chance, just to find out they are wrapped around one of those, girls fingers! I hate to bring it to your attention, but there is more to relationships than money, fast cars, and your social status! It surprises me when I meet someone just to find out, they are in fact the person that I despise! Even though his friends tell you he's such a good guy, and you put yourself on the line. Just to find out all they want to do is use you and lie to you! Seriously? I'm not one of these dumb girls who only wants to be eye candy, and love you for your money! I actually have my own opinions, and am not afraid to say whats on my mind!

Then again, you tell them what you really think, they get confused. Thank that digger for that! All those mind games she's been playing on him, confuses his little man brain! He actually thinks you are talking about someone else! "Sweetie, I'm so sorry he made you feel that way"
"Umm who are you referring to? I was talking about you!" Then they freak out! Holy strawberry Batman, you don't care! They don't know what to do, except... Yep, you got it LIE!
They have no clue what you're talking about, then they try to reel you back in. Hmmm what move can they make on this life size chess board. They try to cover their ass by playing the game, they've been played with! Just for you, yes you Powerful Woman, you! You, to Check, Mate!

Then the game ends, they start asking you really unusual questions, because they realize they have lost, and you are in fact the master! You know these questions have to do with another girl, even though they don't admit it! They still hope you are kinda dumb, and wont figure it out. Now to the best part! They have lied so much, they don't think they are going to get caught! GOD FORBID, that girl the attention whore, I was referring to, post everything!!! Hmmm.. excuse me Mister, would you like to pick your dignity up off the floor, or just let your balls continue to shrivel up and fall off?

The fun part? They are dumb enough not to understand, that you actually get whats going on! You thought you met a normal guy, that was sweet, and real! I mean, someone I trust, tells me, go for it! Then when I tell that friend I'm done, he tells me not to! I listen! Guess what happens... Come on take a wild guess... Yea! You're right, He's full of it, fuller than before! There is so much drama! I think every man needs to ask himself, if he was himself, but didn't have the money, the cars, or the houses, would these gold diggers, and attentions whores want anything to do with them?? I highly doubt it, when you guys loose it all, they will not be there to pick up the pieces! Hopefully, you haven't pissed off the real woman, who you decided to push to the side, and she's there with a broom and dustpan in hand!

I hope this makes a lot of you think, deep and hard! Look carefully at the people you surround yourself with!

Excuse Me Mr. Creeper

Excuse Me Mr. Creeper

(June 17, 2012)

So, friday night, I meet a girl friend of mine out at a local bar. I make my way through the slightly crowded top bar to find my friend at the back bar which is called "the yard." I find my friend talking to a man, we will call this man Max! She introduces us, and we all start talking. My friend brings up a conversation we were having earlier in the day, about  a bra that I had purchased.

Ok, so this will make sense, I will recap the earlier event for you! I had gone shopping a few days earlier, Victoria's Secret, was having their semi annual sale! I dislike shopping so in a rush to get what I wanted and get out, I grabbed a nude colored bra in my size (36D) and made a dash for the register! Well what I failed to realize is that the bra I had chosen was from their Gorgeous line! It adds two cup sizes. Which I still think is odd that they make them for D cups! This bra makes me a 36F! Umm yea, no thanks! Well earlier friday, while getting ready, I tried the bra on with the shirt I was planning on wearing that evening. The shirt wouldn't fit, due to adding two cup sizes to my already large chest! I texted my friend telling her the hilarious story about the bra, and how my shirts failed to fit, while wearing said bra!

She brings up this conversation in Max's presence, so I relay the same story I did for you! My friend leaves to fetch a drink, and leaves me with Max. Max introduces me to as I like to call him Mr. Creeper! Max looks at Creeper, and asks him to guess my bra size! Creeper looks  befuddled at the question. He then introduces himself to me, and Max points out that he is Canadian. I did not know that this conversation would lead to Mr. Creeper standing over my shoulder the entire night.

I don't understand why men, get some creepy sometimes. Do they really think we find it amusing that they stalk us out like prey? Maybe, that is just me, but, I find it menacing!

I know you fool around all day No it doesn't hurt me anyway, I am alright

After a year of being single, (it was a horrible break up) I finally put myself out there to start dating again. I actually met a guy, a nice, sweet and tall guy. He seemed great from the moment we started texting. Our first date was almost to perfect. He picked me up even opened doors. He took me to the aquarium, we bought water guns and balloons. He took me to the park for a picnic, before we ate we actually broke out in a water gun and balloon fight. After eating, we took a walk around the parks lake to dry off. He then took me to get milkshakes, which isn't something I care for, however it seemed to excite him.
When we arrived at my apartment complex he we talked for a bit, then he got out to hug me. He tried to kiss me and backed off. I smiled and said "then don't kiss me" which he then followed by a kiss. We continued to talk after that and saw each other two more times.
I actually liked this guy and felt I could trust him. I was excited to hear from him, I had butterflies each time I thought of him. Yet, I knew (knowing my track record) that it wasn't going to be all I had hoped. Then again, he proved himself to not be Mr. Right immediately. However, I guess with each conquest, you learn more about yourself, who you want to be and what you want. I have had so much going on in my life these past few weeks. Three good friends passed away, an aunt and uncle involved in a horrible car accident. I guess my way of coping with all of the stress was falling for someone wayyyy too quickly. It did make me realize, I am ready for a relationship, I am ready to actually fall in love. I am more than ready to be happy again and to make someone else happy!

Once In A Blue Moon

You know, like most young girls.. I always dreamt of this great guy who is going to sweep me off my feet. Who will whisk me away and spend eternity together. Then I got a boyfriend, and I realized fairy tales, are just tales. There isn't a prince, maybe just some regular guy who turns out to make your heart race a little faster than normal. That makes your arrector pili muscles work overtime by just the thought of a kiss. Then, times goes by and all of those things disappear. You get your heart broken and you sit in your bed, listening to iTunes and eating cinnamon toast crunch out of the box. You think to yourself, if you hadn't of met this guy where would you be right now? Would you still be sitting there looking like a depressed raccoon, overdosing on sugar? You think about how the entire relationship went down. How great it was during the "honeymoon stages" You used to wake up to cute little handwritten notes and an occasional single flower and then, you started waking up hoping he wasn't breathing! Hey, I know in my case, I had my own reasons. My first love was a horrible person. The honeymoon faded a lot quicker than the black eyes and the busted lips. Yet, I stayed! I was promised we were going to spend forever together. Things would get better. Like any abuser, there came the gifts. A new TV, because, he threw a shoe at the old one because, I ducked just in time. A pair of small diamond earrings. Shoes, clothes, trips, etc. Long story short, turns out I was paying for all of that. The jerk opened up numerous credit cards under my name. Five years later, I pulled myself together and got the hell out of dodge. Learned who my real friends were, swallowed my pride and moved home. 

It took me a few years before I could trust anyone. Then I met this guy who I thought was actually that guy, who was going to sweep me away. He did, for about seven months. Then spent the next 8 accusing me of sleeping with his friends and following his new girl friend on social media. Because, I have enough time to do any of that! Here I am again, in the same boat as before, attempting to date and meet men. Just to go on a date, find them incredibly annoying and blocking their number as soon as I am in the safety of my own apartment! I haven't given up hope completely. I sit at home, watching Romantic Comedies, which I find myself balling my eyes out by the end. It makes me feel like I have some hope in finding some form of love. Then again, my parents are divorced, dad on his second marriage with a new family and my mother is the kind of woman who hides Jack Daniels in diet coke bottles in her linen closet and serial dates weird men she meets in bars at Myrtle Beach. However, I do see these sweet elderly couples out and about, and I realize that I do want that. I want the kiss goodnight, every night. Someone who tells me I am beautiful, when I want to bite his head off due to hormone overload. 

Unfortunately, I am starting to think true love no longer exists. We women have Nicholas Sparks putting these ideas in our heads that we will fall in love with some guy because we are not supposed to. When in fact, love is going to have to be something that takes a lot of work. There will be tears, yelling, kisses, hugs, fights and makeups! However, just like anything you want, you must work for it. I highly doubt, that I am going to walk into a room and see this man and feel like I am being pulled to him magnetically. Our eyes meet across a crowed room, blah blah blah. However, I am going to be 32 this year and I feel like I am wasting time, because I am scared. I don't want to get hurt again. It's happened too many times already and I am not sure if I can take another one. Like I said, I still have hope. I believe there is some man out there who falls into my idea of a perfect man. He will show up on our first date with a sunflower, and show me what I have spent all this time missing. It may not happen this year, but hopefully soon! 

My first

This was the first blog I wrote back in 2010

Now, that I'm in my late twenties, I've realized that I am in fact ready to settle down. I want to find the special person who makes me feel like I am complete. However, to get to that point, you have to go on multiple dates, with all the wrong guys. As your getting ready for each date, you put on your make up, pick out the perfect outfit, and hope that this one could possibly be the one. Then you walk into a crowded wine bar, to see the blind date you've been set up with standing in the corner sipping on a corona. You think to yourself, "should I slowly back out, and hope he doesn't see me?" Ooops too late, you've been spotted. You make your way over to find that the "tall handsome banker" you were supposed to meet, is balding, but, still has more hair on his head than the teeth in his mouth. YIKES!

There is always that guy, the one your friend sets you up with, who they think is perfect for you! Obviously, your friend needs to learn something about you, because setting you up with a Jersey Shores reject really isn't your cup of herbal tea! You go on date after date, after long painful date. Well, at least there is dinner... right?  There's been a few times, I've just had to part ways, before the server could bring the drinks. Heck, I've even had a date leave me, at the restaurant because, he just couldn't take a joke! Seriously, where are the guys who aren't afraid to get their hands dirty, take less time to get ready than I do, and a sense of humor is a MUST!!!  We are all aware that prince charming doesn't really exist, if you do think that, here is a free reality check! No one is perfect, however someone is perfect for you! Just keep fishing, you will keep catching guppies for a while, but, one day, when your line tugs, there will be a prize winner waiting for you, just don't try to mount it on your wall :-)

When I decided to leave, I moved home. I was happy to find out one of my best friends was moving back as well. When she arrived she introduced me to dating websites. So, I made a profile, uploaded a few photos, and hoped I wasn't going to meet Charlie Manson. So, a guy emailed me, Cute photos, great job, seemed really nice.  Ummm yea, so I meet him at a bar,  he was surrounded by empty cocktail glasses (and, I was early). Shortly after I arrive his speech starts slurring, and he starts yelling. I try my hardest to start acting crazy, saying things like "I always carry a knife, just in case I have to stab someone" his response "That's SO hot" No matter what I said it did not turn this guy off. Luckily I convinced him I was tired and wanted to go home.
For some reason I decided to keep on keepin' on! Date #2  Owner of a construction company. Seemed like a nice guy, once again, cute photos. His idea for a date, Bobcats game!! Of course, I had never been to one, and being the huge sports fan that I am; I was very excited!! He then tells me he's getting courtside tickets!! I'm getting more and more excited. So I meet the guy at the arena before the game. After introducing himself he then tells me he hasn't gotten tickets yet, and need to buy them. UGH really?? He then buys floor seats from some guy off the street. Ended up being pretty good seats! Then we sit down, the game starts, I'm focused into the game! What does #2 do?? Starts talking... Once again UGH!  He's also trying to convince me, not only is he just that awesome, he is a stunt crotch rocket rider, and he busted his sprocket! I excuse myself to the ladies room. The lady that was sitting a few seats down from us approaches me, asking if it was our first date. I told her yes, she asked if there would be a second one, I smiled and said "NO"
After the game, we meet some of my friends at a bar across the street. Luckily, I was able to ditch him. Later I find out he asked my best male friend if I was in fact a whore, and slept with a lot of guys.

A night on the town

The Rolling Stones said it best... You can't always get what you want, but, if you try sometimes you get what you need!! 

However sometimes what you need, gets you into quite a bit of trouble!


 You roll over look at your clock, and see that time has arrived, the time a day where it all begins! You wake up everyone morning.. Just hoping that it is going to be a wonderful day! You sit up in bed, stretch your arms, and make that growling yawn, that sounds like a mix between an angry bear, and a dying trojan soldier. You wipe your eyes, and roll out of the fort you built during all the tossing and turning you did during the night. Your feet slip into your fuzzy leopard print slippers you pull on your silky robe, and make your way into the bathroom, to wash off the disgust you acquired the night before! You look in the mirror, and think to yourself, or even say in a soft whisper.. "what the @#$% happened?" Your eyes are blackened with the glamorous smokey eye you achieved before starting the night, but wonder when exactly you started transforming into a cracked out raccoon. Your hair is a whole different story! Seriously, was I in a Ke$ha look a like contest?? You start looking through your iPhone,  you see you called almost everyone you know including you know including your boss, an ex, and arch enemy, and even some numbers you randomly dialed! You can't even imagine what you would have said! You are terrified to look at your text messages, you know if you took the time to personally call people, who knows what you texted to people!


You step into the shower, and as the water is running over you, and your starting your lather, rinse, repeat, ritual images start flowing! You start remembering, there was a lot of loud music, there was a lot of dancing, a lot of drinking, you even danced on a table... Ok, that sounds like every night on the town! As you smother your hair with your deep conditioner, and start shaving your legs, you notice a big bruise on your leg, and OUCH! it freakin' hurts! What the hell happened! You rush to finish, get out dry off, put your robe and slippers on. Run outside your house, hair still soaking wet, and you sigh with relief! Good news, you didn't drive, your car is not in your driveway! Crap! did I drive and it was stolen! A look of confusion appears on your face! You walk inside and you smile, there is a receipt, from a cab company! You walk into your living room, there is a lump covered in blankets! You tip toe over to your fire place, and grab that log poking stick (what is that thing called anyways??) You want to poke the lump! The lump grumbles, you get a little nervous... who is under there! I head pops up! You see the face, it's not familiar. You ask the blonde surfer looking boy who he is! He looks at you and tells you, you and your friend tried to pick up him and his boyfriend. You can't help but to laugh! Then you remember your best friend is asleep in your guest room! You run up to wake her up! The surfer boy fills us in...


apparently this is how your night went!

• You started off pre-gaming with straight grape vodka
• You got a cab uptown
• You drank more
• You danced on a few tables
• You got lost and departed from your friend!
• You yelled and hit a bouncer with your shoe, when he tried to help you
• Your phone finally rings, and you find your friend.. She's in a cab on the street
• You pick up a gay guy who takes you to a gay bar, because they still serve until four am!
• His boyfriend doesn't want to party, but he does, so you take him home
• The very nice gay guy tells you what you did the night before!

Hmmm.. Maybe Ole' Mick didn't say it best! 

Oh well, at least you are safe, and (so far) there isn't a warrant for your arrest!

Golden Honey Drippin' From This House

 Most guys treat sex like car problem, bigger wrench, pull/push harder, etc. When in essence all you have to do to bond and have mind blowing sex is form a real and true connection-- almost on any level. Once you do that, the gloves are off. Patience pays when it comes to women and real sex.. That's according to my friend Robert! Which is very true! That's one thing I have never truly understood.. Sex on the first date? What's the point?

First of all, you have to mental connection! Second of all, how much do you know about this person? What's their last name? Do they have any siblings? When is their birthday??  I'm told by many of my guy friends, that if you sleep with them on the first date, they will never have a serious relationship with you!

Then why do they try? C'mon their guys, they only really truly think with the head that's being held back by their flashy button up fly! I do wonder when they are on that first date... hmmm... when do they decide if they are going to try? Is it part of their stupid little game they play to get you to jump into bed (or the backseat depending on what kinda girl you are)? I've met plenty of guys, that when I've said it's not going to happen, they move on! Their loss not mine!

Still my favorite is still the guy who gets drunk intentionally, and then looks at you and says... "So where am I sleeping?"
Just for me to look right back over, and say... "Your house if you can make it, i'll even walk you to your car!"  Today in this world, just like Lil' Kim said... If a guy has three girls than he's the man, if a girl do they same then she's a whore! So who came up with that? some jerk with little man syndrome?

My whole reason isn't to bash men... They have good tendencies.. They mow grass, open jars, lift heavy things, and some are just pretty to look at! Ooooh nothing better than a tall man with muscles and tattoos, not wearing a shirt lifting something heavy, and wiping the sweat from his brow... ok, snap out of it, enough day dreaming! Or is it enough... lalalala

7 Times when casual sex is a good thing (article from womenshealth.com)

Casual sex gets such a bad rap. It can set you up for disappointment or bring you to the bedrooms of men who you normally wouldn’t want to share an elevator with, yes. But it can also lower stress and lift self-esteem, according to research conducted at Cornell University. So how do you know when a one-night stand is going to bring you bliss—or just make you blush the next day? Experts say it's all about your personality: If you know you're the type to get off on booty calls, then own it, lady!

For many women, casual sex is less about playing with fire than it is about taking full advantage of being single. Here are seven times when a little no-strings-attached action is a downright good idea (granted you use protection, don't put yourself in an unsafe situation—you know the drill). Prepare to have your coupled-up friends begging to live vicariously through you.

1. You’re Having a Hard Time Getting Over an Ex
It’s like your mamma said (maybe not to you, but to someone): The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. Or on top of them. Or beside them. Whichever way you flip it, a nice steamy “palette cleanser” can be the perfect way to finally get the taste of an ex out of your mouth for good.

2. You Meet a Hot Local While On Vacation
When in Rome, or Miami, or anywhere your fun-loving heart takes you, building memories is key. Who needs shot glasses and T-shirts when you can take home the memory of that cutie with a thick accent?

RELATED: Why We Should All Date Like We're on Vacation

3. You’ve Convinced Yourself That You’re In a Dry Spell
Dry spells are like pits of quicksand. The deeper you fall into one, the harder it is to get out. Don’t let yourself fall too deep into no-man’s land. Do the deed with someone, and welcome yourself back into the land of the sexually active.

4. You Can’t Seem To Stop Hanging Out With That Total Jerk
Perhaps you’re already having casual sex, but it doesn’t exactly seem casual, due to the sleepless nights and anxiety-fraught mornings this guy has caused. Remind yourself that there are other fish in the sea by sleeping with one. Then throw the jerk back in the water for good.

5. You Encounter a Gorgeous Man With A Personality Like a Tin Can
If the idea of holding a conversation with him makes your eyes glaze over but the idea of being held by him makes your heart race, forget trying to convince yourself that he’s boyfriend material. Instead, enjoy this fine specimen for what he is: the perfect candidate for a one-time tryst.

6. You Want Someone Besides Your Esthetician to Know How Good Your Bikini Wax Looks
Whether you’re smooth and exfoliated or secretly rocking a brand-new bra and panty set, it's a lot of fun to take advantage of those times when you feel especially sexual. If you think about it, it would be a waste of money to let that wax grow in without someone enjoying it first, so do the responsible thing and start seducing that cute stranger.

7. Your Vibrator is Threatening to Go On Strike Due to Excessive Unpaid Overtime
Vibrators are wonderful tools that can get you through a pinch and help you ride out rough times, but if you’ve gone through enough batteries this month to power a small robot, do yourself and the environment a favor, and mix things up with a human bed buddy. Surely you’ve already fantasized about who the ideal candidate is.

All GIFs courtesy of giphy.com.

RELATED: 4 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Hooking Up

Tess Barker is a Los Angeles-based writer and stand-up comedian. She is a cohost of the Lady to Lady podcast and wrote the book and lyrics for the musical "Time Between Us."7 Times When Casual Sex is a Good Thing

Gucci, Gucci, Louis, Louis, Fendi, Fendi, Prada, basic bitches wear that shit, so I don't even bother!

So, what is with the way I see men dressed uptown? It's June, 90 degrees outside you idiots  are wearing sports coats, and you're sweating!! Really? I understand you want to look appealing to us, but, seeing you all sweating, wiping your forehead with your sleeve, hand, or cocktail napkin.. IS NOT CUTE!! Oh, and what is with the pink, purple, blue, and green, stripes with paisley print shirts? Some men they look great on! However, you must realize pastels, aren't for everyone, and Easter only comes once a year! I appologize as always to anyone I may offend in this process, actually I don't care if I offend you.

I just don't understand how men,have become so bouchee, when did this happen? Trust me, I'd much rather my man be wearing nice jeans, a t-shirt, maybe even  a crips button up, basic leather shoes. I just can't seem to trust a man who wears alligator shoes. Especially if they are white or silver. OH, and those slacks that you can see your reflection in, yea.. no thanks!  Oh, another good one is the Affliction shirts, so You are a cage fighter? How about you show me some of your BJJ skills! Oh wait, you're telling me anyone can purchase those shirts??? Oh, and you drink so much beer you can't touch your toes?? HAHAHA!
What about the guys who wear golf apparel everywhere they go? I highly doubt when you are walking up to the club at 1130 pm, you just got off the 18th hole. I mean yea, I wear my Callaway hat and golf skirt in public, but get this! I was playing golf. Rainbows and golf shirts are not sexy, unless you are swinging your 9 on the course. Then of course there is this baggy pants, and oversized shirt epidemic! Ugh, and the jeans tucked into the expensive tennis shoes... YUCK! Again, not attractive!


I may be old fashioned, but, I love a man in a suit, and tie.. There is something incredibly sexy about a man with a tie.. Sorry, I was having one of my David Beckham moments there. Even if they are wearing the dark washed jeans, button up, tie, with a sweater.. Yea, there it is again. Ok, before I drool all over my laptop, and shortwire the keyboard, let me get to the point! Boys, we do NOT like sloppy dressed men! Unless you are working on your car and covered in grease (heehee), doing yard work, etc, try to look nice! Even at the gym I see most men looking better than the men I see out. They are trying to impress the busty girl on the treadmill! Again boys, take it from me, try to look nice! We don't get ready thinking, "oh, I hope no one notices me tonight, maybe I shouldn't wear my pushup bra, and matching thong!" I hope someone gets something out of this :-) Goodnight, and have naughty dreams xoxoxo

I am not a junkie for your love

I know I always bitch and complain about my failed dates, relationships, etc.. Hey everyone has a niche, right? Yes, mine is a little jaded.. Yet, I have a right to voice what I think, and you have a choice if you want to sit here for a few minutes and read it.


A few things I have noticed on the road to meeting the perfect mate, is people are desperate, and rude. A few months ago I met a guy off a well known dating site, we me for lunch. I was standing at the door of the sushi joint, as he walks up ( I already didn't want to go on this "date" he begged me to go) He looks at me and says, he wants to day drink. At that point I go to my car, sit there and start driving home, my phone buzzes with a text saying  "I'm not interested sorry" my response, "You're not the only one, I am almost home. Good luck in your search" Then two days ago, I get an email from the douche bag saying how sorry he was, guess he saw my new pictures I had uploaded) that he felt like an ass.. blah, blah, blah! Whatever! I respond saying, "GOOD BYE" Really? What an ass.

• One thing you guys need to know is, if you are trying online dating here's a few tips! 
• Do not only provide us with pictures you have taken of yourself. It makes us think you have no friends! 
• Do not pose in front of your trailer! Actually please do so we are aware of your living situation! 
• When you take bathroom pictures, we can tell if you still live with your mom.
• Always have a full body photo, not wearing a sports coat or a suit, so we can see what you really look like

If you occasionally play sports, or occasionally hit the gym.. and not built athletic, don't say that you are! We are asking your actual body type, not what you think you see when you look in the mirror!
We don't actually care about height, as long as you don't mind us towering over you while were wearing heels.


If we don't immediately get back to you, don't blow up our email asking why we're not responding! That will make your chance go right down the drain!


In all reality! We are all looking for something real. Even though, I am sure that I am quite different than other females. I hate roses, I'd rather get dasies. I don't want to be around you twenty four-seven! I want to spend time with my friends, and have my own life! Trust me, it can be balanced! If you trust someone enough, you should be able to prove it. Then again, I have been single five years this month. My ex was jealous, obsessive, angry, and abusive! I learned my lesson. I've also been single by choice. I guess just waiting to be swept off my feet! Good Luck to all in Love.

We come together because opposites attract

So, when it comes to looking for you Price Charming, or your Princess Charming, how do  you go about that? What kind of person do you look for? Blonde hair, blue eyes? Or tall dark and handsome? What if the person who you deemed as your "type" isn't your type after all? Then what? Do you just reevaluate everything? Well hell... I used to think that my type was tall, adventurious, light hair, and light eyes, until.. as you've read in previous blogs he was a complete monster! Now, I have no clue what my type is..

The past five years since I have been single.. very single. I started finding myself attracted to tall bald men. There is just something about bald men, I find completely attractive! Especially if they are in a suit and tie.. hmm ok, Amber back on track! Then again, a few months ago, I fell for one of my best friends, a shorter guy, who is quite the party animal. Even though I decided it would be best for both of us, not to persue anything. However, here I am now, finding myself attracted to someone who, (even though I thought he was always cute) I never thought I would be. Hopefully he doesn't take this wrong since he said he's going to read it :)

He is not at all what I am normally attracted to. He's a little shorter than me, he's really goofy! He's also really shy :) He may be a little more obnoxious than me, from the stories he's told me. Yet, it makes me wonder if I have been wrong the entire time, or if it's just the whole theory of "sometimes, someone just walks into your life that makes you change the way you think" I guess there is only one way to find out. However, there's one itsy bitsy problem.. Luckily for you guys it's sometime I have already written about!

What are some significant ways people can be alike or opposite?

• Physical attractiveness. "I think we seek a certain level of attractiveness similar to our own," Ickes says. "The Beast looks for Beauty, not the other way around." If unattractive people pursue attractive people, they are not as likely to be successful, so soon stop doing it.
• Money. If you have zero dollars, you may aspire "to hook up with a mate who's loaded," Ickes says, "but what is the chance this person is interested in you?"

• Desire for children. If the desire for a family is a source of contention, similarity of desire might be better, Ickes says.
• Religion. "I know some successful mixed marriages," Ickes says. "If you respect and tolerate the differences and don't use the kids as pawns, you can choose your own [spiritual] path."
• Class. "How often do you see an aristocrat marry a commoner in real life?" Ickes asks. "That's so rare you only see it in the movies."
• Education. "Educated people do not tend to marry stupid people," Ickes says. "But uneducated people can be smart. You need to be able to talk, interact, and share world views."

 Anyone who knows me knows, I am a huge believer in science! I did a little research prior to writing this.. Here's what science has to say about the topic!

In several studies, researchers have had women smell men's used T-shirts and rank them according to how attractive the smell is. In the past, women have indicated that the most pleasurable shirts belong to men with different major histocompatibility complex (MHC) genes than they do, so scientists believe that women can subconsciously smell a man's genes [source: Kaplan].

However, when women take birth control pills, it can affect their sense of smell. In a 2008 study, Stewart Craig Roberts of the University of Newcastle found that women on the pill tended to select mates that had similar MHC genes [source: Bryner]. This may be because birth control tricks a woman's body into thinking that it's pregnant, so that a woman is subconsciously sniffing for a relative that will help her care for her nonexistent baby. Researchers hypothesized that women could meet, fall in love and marry a man, only to have the relationship crumble once they went off birth control and got a whiff of the guy's true smell. (Discovery Health)

Get over yourself, goodbye!

Ok, ladies... if you break up with someone, it's OVER O-V-E-R!!! What don't you understand? There is obviously a clear reason, why the pair of you weren't good together. Come on pull up that mental list out of the "ex" section of your brain! Did he leave his socks all over the floor? Did he use your razor? Did he leave the toilet seat up? Did he realize that you are a whole bag of crazy??? Seriously, Exes are exes for a reason!
The first guy I ever dated was a musician. He was a great guy. Divorced, had a little girl, a house, a nice car, great job. Crazy as sh*t ex wife, who wanted him to pay for her everything! His ex wife lived in Raleigh, when she found out about me, she wanted my entire biography! My age, weight, height, hair color, even what size bra I wore! She made sure she ruined any happiness he could possibly have! Trust me, having my first boyfriend, and dealing with this was waaaay to much for me at the time!
Another thing why is it both parties always assume the other one is crazy and lying?? I'll have a girl tell me she dated someone, and the guy will tell me they were only friends! The girl flips out, and the dude stays calm. I mean there is a HUGE difference between being friends with someone, and dating someone. Just because you guys go eat with some friends, and he picks up your dinner, does not make him your boyfriend. It's just means he's actually nice! I never say anything bad about my exes, unless it's true! Trust me, with the last one  I went through hell and back, and made it out alive.
These crazy drama queens, make the guys think we are all like this! That sucks for the 3% of us who are actually normal! I had a guy tell me two days ago, "You're beautiful and hate drama, thats awesome!" Umm yea, I don't want the stigma of crazy bitch! Seriously ladies, stop being trashy, stop hooking up with guys just because they asked how you're doing. I recently ran into a friends ex boyfriend (who I hate, he makes my skin crawl) As I was leaving he walked up to me, asking how she was, and if she was dating anyone. I told him not that I was aware of. He looked me in the eye with his drunken stupor, and said "yea, I'm not surprised, she tries to hard.. She's in such a hurry to get hitched" I just smiled, and walked off.
Another thing, you crazy girls are scaring the guys away! Here's a few things you DO NOT talk about, or bring up in the first 3-6 months of dating (unless it's a joke, and you both get it)
1. Marriage
2. How many children you want, or what your kids would look like, or be named!
3. Joint anything! (ie bank accounts, house, car, pet, etc)

For some reason, people especially women become stupid when they think they could have possibly found "the one" FYI, if it's the first date and you are thinking he's the one you are a fucking moron.. There is someone out there for everyone, but trust me honey! He is more than likely not it. You may see sparks as he walks through the door, but if that happens everytime you meet a guy, you should stop dating for awhile, and just focus on yourself. You need to find out who you are, and what exactly you want. Trust me when I say this, my last boyfriend, when I first saw him, everything was slow motion and I felt all fuzzy. Then after about a year and a half it turned to nausea and fear. Also, never settle for someone who seems like he may turn into the guy you've always wanted.. Now take a deep breath, and re evaluate everything!
Good day!

There you go cause your lies got old, look at you... There you go

To all the players out there who go around finding your conquest and breaking good girls hearts: What the fuck is wrong with you? Seriously,  do you get off when you put another notch in your player belt? Or do you just like the idea of using people? What is it that makes you think that it is ok to play games? Well, hell has no fury like a woman scorned! Perhaps you don't realize that we tell all of our girlfriends about you! They know your name, what you look like and that you are hunting for fresh prey! Not only do you piss of the girl you royally fucked over, you piss off the good guys out there who will give her the love and affection she deserves. Want to know why he's pissed off? Because now he probably won't get a chance. Because of you! Yes you! Your choice to be a douche bag not only affects this girl, it affects YOU! One thing you may not realize, when you choose the `player lifestyle` that girl, that conquest, has the ability to make sure you NEVER get laid again!

This also goes for the guys who string girls along. If you don't want a relationship, tell us. We know what we want and it's not some guy who doesn't truthfully want to spend time with us. We are very aware there is no Prince Charming. We don't expect any love stories out of a Nichols Sparks novel. We want a real man, who can make us laugh. Someone who wants to be with us. Don't tell us what we want to hear. Show us what we want to see. Tell us we are beautiful, make us smile, listen to what we have to say. It's not hard to give up the player lifestyle. Just think, if you keep fucking over girls. You may have the chance to fall in love. You will be that dirty old man at the bar drinking Miller Highlife. You will go home alone. You will grow old alone, have no one to share special moments with. You will die alone. No one wants that. Before its too late change your ways! It's much easier to be nice than to waste your energy being an asshole and creating drama.