After all I have been through, it takes a lot for me to trust someone. If somehow you break through that barrier, and I feel I can trust you, that means something. If you have made it to that point, I ask you to be completely honest with me. I ask if anything changes in the relationship we have built, I ask you to let me know. I am now 31, I don't have time or patience for high school games. This doesn't just go for romantic based relationships, this also applies to basic friendship. Regardless of how you are in my life, there is only one thing I expect from you and in return I would do the same for you. If by chance you break that, I have lost all respect for you and no longer want you as a part of my life. If by chance you think that you deserve a second chance, for me to even consider that would require you to physically move mountains. I don't know about you, but I don't think it's possible.
I meet people everyday, very few I consider people that I actually want to be around. People that I even want to take the time to have a conversation with. How did I get this way? Let's see, the first guy I ever dated was amazing. At first, then when he had me under his spell, turned into a monster. I couldn't have my own friends, I was "cheating" on him, I wasn't even allowed to watch TV alone. When we'd go out, he start a fight with some random guy in a bar that "I had been flirting with all night" who honestly, I wasn't even aware was in the same room. One night he even broke a beer bottle over my head, going after some random stranger, he thought I was flirting with. Just thinking about is making me tear up. He watched the webcams at my work, accused me of "hooking up" when I was off camera. One day, I even found a folder on our computer, of screen shots he had been taking of me at work, when it was actually two other coworkers. Due to us all having blonde hair at the time, the grainy footage made it hard for him to tell us apart.
When I finally built up the strength to leave, I had to file a restraining order, just so the police would be at my house to protect me. But, who was to protect me when they sent me into my house alone to confront him? When the day finally rolled around for me to go to court to plead my case, for the judge to formally issue the restraining order, I had text messages, emails, all printed out. I had bruises, but yet, none of this was considered enough evidence to issue me a restraining order. Even though it turned out to be a registered sex offender. Again, who was supposed to protect me? This was a man who also when we broke up once before, camped out in front of my parents home. I still have an Aunt who asks me where he is every time she sees me. She isn't aware that we are no longer together and always asks me to tell him that she misses him.
The man after him, who begged me to marry him, moved 6,000 miles away for his new flashy job with the Department of Defense. In one week I had a plethora of girls message me on every possible social media outlet, including linkedin. Tell me that they had been "dating" him and all these other stories more than I needed or wanted to know. I then had a guy dump me, his reason was because I cut my hair. Really? I understand that I have some serious trust issues. I have many reasons to be the way I am. I do hope to find that special man one day, who can fix the broken pieces. For now, I feel like I am surrounded by broken shards of glass and I am afraid to step out, in fear of being cut. I know I am not the only one who has been in this type of situation, but for those of you who are still in a relationship and don't know how to escape, I am here for you. So are many others.
No comments:
Post a Comment