As Days Go By

Sometimes the days seem so long and others so short. Sometimes yesterday feels like such a distant memory and the past doesn't seem real. It seems like only a figment of my imagination. A story my mind made up. Yet, the scars prove the reality of the torture and torment. The dreams cause me to relive, everything I've endured. Dreams that seems so real, that I cannot wake from. A grip so hard it feels so real. Such a reality, I wonder how I have survived this long. Not a day goes by that a memory doesn't materialize. A sadness overcomes and I feel useless and tired. Worn down and overwhelmed. Some days, ending it, seems so easy. It seems like a reasonable answer. I once heard that if you end your life before its time, you are reborn into the same life until you live it correctly. I think, that's what kept me

Here so long. What's kept my feet on the ground. What has kept me from learning to fly. I feel as life should be easier. The days should be easier. Yet, it's not. It's weird how easy it is to forget someone's face who you knew your entire life once they've passed. However, you cannot forget the pain you've been in. 

I wanna rock your gypsy soul

I need to move around a bit. To shuffle my surroundings. To wake up in cities I don’t know my way around and have conversations in languages I cannot entirely comprehend. There is always this tremendous longing in my heart to be lost, to be someplace else, to be far far away from all of this. - Beau Taplin 

I am quite the lucky lady. I have the best friends, a girl could ever ask for. I live in an amazing city, in a great state. Well, minus the politics. I may not have a traditional family, I believe family is who you allow in your life. Who you choose. Growing up in a safe neighborhood, with a tire swing and being able to live. As I am getting older, I realize there is a big world out there, great places that I want to experience, new faces I want to meet. I grew up so shy, I wouldn't do anything. I didn't talk to people, I barely made friends. It took some time to get over that. Now, I want to meet everyone I can. I want to get out there an experience life. I want to pack my bags, grab my dog and hit the road. I want to write about these places and these people. Write about my gypsy life. 

I recently found the above quote from Beau Taplin, it said everything I have always felt, everything I had ever wanted to say. However, others don't seem to understand my way of life. Don't understand, that I need to be free. That I need to wash away my past and start a new life. They don't understand that I am not running away from anything. That no matter where I am, I will always be there for them. In my mind, if we speak at least once a week, you are my friend. You are a part of my life, you have the type of soul that has the right type of fire, even though they may not see it. 

As I am writing this, my eyes are once again tearing up. Not because, I am sad, but because others hate me for the way I feel. It's always discouraged me to change things up. Luckily, those people haven't gone through the same things in life that I have. Haven't dealt with the same anxiety or depression. Anytime I mention wanting to get out, I receive horrible backlash. I never said I hated home. I never said I hated Charlotte. How could you possibly tell someone, who has the Queen City Crown tattooed on their rib, by their heart that they hate Charlotte. It's not like I am saying I am leaving for good. One thing about traveling is, you can always come home. 

So, for those of you who have a problem with my plan, doesn't have to join me, or visit me. You can stay here, where you can live your life however you please. However, judging my choices, will not get you any where. Here's to life, love and the journey.