You know, like most young girls.. I always dreamt of this great guy who is going to sweep me off my feet. Who will whisk me away and spend eternity together. Then I got a boyfriend, and I realized fairy tales, are just tales. There isn't a prince, maybe just some regular guy who turns out to make your heart race a little faster than normal. That makes your arrector pili muscles work overtime by just the thought of a kiss. Then, times goes by and all of those things disappear. You get your heart broken and you sit in your bed, listening to iTunes and eating cinnamon toast crunch out of the box. You think to yourself, if you hadn't of met this guy where would you be right now? Would you still be sitting there looking like a depressed raccoon, overdosing on sugar? You think about how the entire relationship went down. How great it was during the "honeymoon stages" You used to wake up to cute little handwritten notes and an occasional single flower and then, you started waking up hoping he wasn't breathing! Hey, I know in my case, I had my own reasons. My first love was a horrible person. The honeymoon faded a lot quicker than the black eyes and the busted lips. Yet, I stayed! I was promised we were going to spend forever together. Things would get better. Like any abuser, there came the gifts. A new TV, because, he threw a shoe at the old one because, I ducked just in time. A pair of small diamond earrings. Shoes, clothes, trips, etc. Long story short, turns out I was paying for all of that. The jerk opened up numerous credit cards under my name. Five years later, I pulled myself together and got the hell out of dodge. Learned who my real friends were, swallowed my pride and moved home.
It took me a few years before I could trust anyone. Then I met this guy who I thought was actually that guy, who was going to sweep me away. He did, for about seven months. Then spent the next 8 accusing me of sleeping with his friends and following his new girl friend on social media. Because, I have enough time to do any of that! Here I am again, in the same boat as before, attempting to date and meet men. Just to go on a date, find them incredibly annoying and blocking their number as soon as I am in the safety of my own apartment! I haven't given up hope completely. I sit at home, watching Romantic Comedies, which I find myself balling my eyes out by the end. It makes me feel like I have some hope in finding some form of love. Then again, my parents are divorced, dad on his second marriage with a new family and my mother is the kind of woman who hides Jack Daniels in diet coke bottles in her linen closet and serial dates weird men she meets in bars at Myrtle Beach. However, I do see these sweet elderly couples out and about, and I realize that I do want that. I want the kiss goodnight, every night. Someone who tells me I am beautiful, when I want to bite his head off due to hormone overload.
Unfortunately, I am starting to think true love no longer exists. We women have Nicholas Sparks putting these ideas in our heads that we will fall in love with some guy because we are not supposed to. When in fact, love is going to have to be something that takes a lot of work. There will be tears, yelling, kisses, hugs, fights and makeups! However, just like anything you want, you must work for it. I highly doubt, that I am going to walk into a room and see this man and feel like I am being pulled to him magnetically. Our eyes meet across a crowed room, blah blah blah. However, I am going to be 32 this year and I feel like I am wasting time, because I am scared. I don't want to get hurt again. It's happened too many times already and I am not sure if I can take another one. Like I said, I still have hope. I believe there is some man out there who falls into my idea of a perfect man. He will show up on our first date with a sunflower, and show me what I have spent all this time missing. It may not happen this year, but hopefully soon!
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